Insecure

To be honest, I have been meaning to write this article for several weeks now but I was simply too insecure to write about my insecurities. I was so afraid to write about the way that I feel that I just wasn’t writing at all. I am here now though, and I am learning to let go of my fear.

This may come to a surprise to some, though others might find this relatable, but dressing up is not always easy for me. Behind the wall of confidence, I too wanted to be trendy, beautiful, likeable, and not so weird that people actually call me weird. This is something I struggled with almost every morning while I got ready; finding the perfect combination between trendy and who I wanted to be. Behind the girl who wore dresses and a full face of makeup to school on a Monday morning was someone who sat on her bed crying because she felt so lost in who she was. There were days when I would give up on finding the perfect outfit and settle for something that was 100% not me. Those days were the worst. My bad days didn’t look like no makeup and sweatpants, my bad days were full of clothes I wore for others instead of myself.

The only person standing between me and the person I wanted to be was myself.

On a day that I wore the most predictable outfit, I found myself shopping with someone I look up to so much. She is so intensively kind, creative, and looked like she knew what she wanted fashion-wise. As I looked at a pair of pants that the person I wished I was would love to wear, she pushed me to wear them anyways.

I was so stuck in comparing myself to others that I lost myself.

For the last week of high school, I decided to go out of my comfort zone and wear all the things I always wished I would. From the outside this might have looked like normal Jasmyn™ outfits, but this was actually a really big deal for me. For four days in a row I wore outfits that were out of my comfort zone for one reason or another and it felt so good.

Processed with VSCO with hb1 preset
Em is QUITE allergic to citrus, thus making this her rebellion shirt.

Each day I felt more confident, I felt more like myself.

Even though four outfits didn’t fix everything (obviously it took me forever and a half to actually start writing this), it was still a start. I still have a lot to work on to get to a place where anxiety doesn’t rush over me every time I leave the house, but wearing clothes I love helps a lot more.

I know clothing isn’t everything, but being true to who you are is.

The girl I talked about looking up to earlier was actually my photographer for this week. Her name is Chandler Stroda (but I call her Chan Chan) and she is the kindest person I got the chance to get to know this year.
Thank you so much, Chan Chan.

xoxo jasmyn lanae

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